The Jam

Last night I crept into the big city once again. I had stayed relatively local all this week after recovering from my pet watching duties, but decided that I needed to stretch my legs once again.


The homegirl Erin put me up on a house that her man Oscar is staying in right now. It's entirely inhabited by musicians and every Friday and Saturday they throw the doors open and just jam. Normally the place is rammed by the time they really get going. I arrived there, a full drum-kit was set up in the lounge, and various instruments lay strewn about. A beautiful old piano rested against the far wall, its front panel removed so you could see all the hammers at work as it was played. The house was completely candlelit. Arty, the drummer led the band as they flipped through a whole mess of music; ideas seamlessly slipping in and out of the mainframe as the session continued. Tianna, a singer from Toronto who is moving into the house this week, handled the vocals and I jumped up and threw a few bars around - just to show them how Woking does.

I loved that it seeemed that they only lived in a house in order to keep the snow off their instruments. I could see these guys riding from city to city in a procession of camper vans.

At 10 o'clock, I had to break out, but next time, I'm planning on hanging around to do the damn thing...

Saturday, it's Saturday....

(From Garfield Minus Garfield - a look into the shattered psyche of his owner)




I was sitting at home yesterday, when I came to the conclusion that I am slowly turning into Jon Arbuckle from the Garfield cartoon strip. Hanging out with an overly energetic dog and a cat with issues (Usless fact: The cat is also a New Jersy Nets fan, she seemed particularly interested in Vince Carter whenever he appeared on TV when I was watching the game the other night). I had also just finished making lasagne. I had to get out. So, off to the Go Station I went. I caught the bus to Aldershot (Yes, they have one here, too) and rode the train into the city for the first time. There's a different perspective to be had from the train tracks - which is why so many hobo philosophers probably rode the railways back in the days. I finally reached town about 5ish - we really did take the scenic route - and headed over to Spadina to hang out.


After bumping into the guy who dressed as the priest of the God Of Rock at the Halloween Party I went to, I end up meeting two fellow devotees of Hunter S. Thompson - Shaun and Matt. Two good ol' boys from the Big Easy who spend their time travelling to exotic locations and getting top grade marijuana sent to them by courier service. Shaun also told me that, as a tribute to HST he had recently been to the Kentucky Derby and got twisted on Mint Juleps (If you don't know - read a book) Yesterday, they introduced me to two rather interesting strains. Shark's Breath - I'm guessing a cross between Great White Shark and Lamb's Breath - and Cherry Slider - may well be a cousin to Chocolat Thai and Brown Sugar - direct from Humboldt County. Matt was about to turn 39 - Many happy returns, sir - and so the guys were on a mission to paint the town red. Or Cherry.


As for me - I headed back to the sticks as I was planning on hitting a show at Pepperjacks. I dozed on the bus most of the way back, got home, ate lasagne, drank rum and then caught a bus downtown. It had snowed while I was out. It was pretty quiet in Hamilton last night. A lady by the name of Valerie Gore was the first act to play at PJ's. She had the vibe of an upbeat Beth Gibbons to her. I really enjoyed the show, as I sat at the bar, slurping down back to back Jamieson's and Coke. I stayed for most of the Shurelock Groove show, but decided to put myself out of my misery shortly before two. I was drunk and I'd have to walk the dog in less than 5 hours....

Coldest Winter

For the past month and 5 days, I've been walking around here like Eddie in Coming To America when he first gets to Queens. All bundled up, multiple scarves etc. but it actually snowed properly for the first time yesterday. All the Canadians I have met so far have so far asked me if I'm cold. When the answer comes back affirmative, their reply is always "JUST WAIT 'TIL FEBRUARY!!" This makes me a little nervous, but the way I see it, I might as well make the most of all my extremities before one of them gets frostbitten off.

Right now, I'm watching Sportscenter as Lucky eyes me suspiciously from a chair across the room. I don't let her out of the house, because she's out there until she gets cold. If she doesn't feel the freeze before I go to bed, there is every possibility I could come down in the morning to find a cat popsicle waiting for me on the back steps. Blue [Magic] is chilling. 24 hours have passed and neither the cat or the dog has died/ got lost/ gone feral. The last time I watched pets for someone, it was our neighbour's stick insects in the 80's. My mum wouldn't let me keep them in the house so they stayed in the shed. And there they died. My mum then went to the petshop to replace them. Unfortunately, the only ones they had in stock were brown. Our neighbours stick insects were green. This led to the rather unconvincving explanation that "they may have caught the sun". I can't replace either of the pets here so if all goes well, by Monday I should be 2/2.

I also tried American cereal for the first time since I've been over here. I bought a box of Reese's Puffs. I can fully understand why this shit is bad for kids. For about 10 minutes I had a stomach ache. Then I felt the desperate need to bench press the shit out of something.

History Repeating

Mr. Alexander, back in the day.



I promised myself that I wouldn't get all political on this blog, but you know what they say about best laid plans, right?

Anyway - I was out to lunch with my uncle yesterday at Denningers in downtown Hamilton and we bumped into a gentleman by the name of Lincoln Alexander. Mr. Alexander is well known around these parts, as he was the first Black Lieutennant Governor of Ontario between 1985 and 1991. He's had schools and roads named after him and all that. Mr. C knows him because they've worked together in the past, so we were invited to sit down and shoot the breeze with him for a while. Turns out that he is fascinated with the English and had me say "Good afternoon, sir" to pretty much every well wisher who stopped to say "hi".

Linc - as he is known to those close to him - knew all about Coronation Street (definitely more so than me) and has met the Queen (she is "nice", apparently).

It was kinda cool to reason with a dude who has seen and experienced so much. In a way he was the Barack Obama of his time. No other black man had ever been granted the power and responsibility that he was given at the time. Linc must have knocked it out of the park because you don't get your own expressway for nothing.

When asked what he thought of the new American President-Elect, Mr. Alexander had only this to say: "I think he's a beacon of hope for the future of the world". Lofty praise, indeed....

On a completely different note, the next few days should provide me with a plethora of material for this digital tome. My family is heading out to Costa Rica for my cousin Adjoah's wedding. I'm staying in Hamilton with the dog and the cat. Now, having never had pets as a kid I was never really that fussed about them. I was also allergic. My sister had two hamsters when we were growing up. She was too scared to handle them though so all they ever did was sit in the cage and occasionally get a run round in a hamster ball. One died rather suddenly, while the other, bereft of hamster companionship, went bald and mad and then died a couple of months later. My dad buried it in the verge by the driveway, wrapped in newspaper, with some seeds to nibble on as it made the journey to the next echelon. I just had this really weird thought that if I make it to heaven, that these hamsters whose names I don't remember will be waiting there for me and the whole scene will be like that awkward moment at a high school reunion where you meet someone who you used to see everyday in Maths, but you can't remember their name, which is embarassing, because they always let you borrow their protractor...

This complete lack of empathy with other lifeforms contined the first time I went to university, where my girl and I were asked to look after our housemate's guinea pig. We fed it on the first day and went back to find the cage empty on the second. Obviously we panicked until we found the little bastard hiding, unharmed in the bottom of her chest of drawers. Since then I have vowed never to take stewardship of someone else's pets - until now. The dog - I'm cool with. You always now what's up with Blue. If she's whining she generally wants to go outside and pee or something, or she's hungry. That's easy enough. The cat, however is a different story. Lucky - short for Lucifer (Not really true - I made that up) - has issues. I have been slapped in the face by this cat at least twice, and while she has grown out of fighting her reflection in the oven door as she was prone to do last year, there is still a deeply insane streak entrenched in that tiny, furry body. I haven't seen her so far yet today, but heard her wandering the halls earlier trying to yack up a furball. I have learned her Kryptonite though. Lucky is scared shitless of the vacuum cleaner.

At any rate, I'll let yous guys know what happens. If I kill the cat and stash the body - we were out at a bar together all night, and you didn't see nothing, right?

New Music

So, in the past couple of days, I've really been settling into my new job (researching Canadian Black History with the odd break to watch Sopranos and lurk on Nahright). Now, I've always been someone who needs a soundtrack to their life. I always have tunes that I remember from Christmas. Past festive classics include More Reasons by Cam'ron and I Just Wanna Fuck You by Dr. Dre f/ Snoop and Devin The Dude. Right now there is a lot of hot music coming out. I'm tired of hearing "Hip-Hop is dead" I don't believe that at all. I believe it's different.

With that said a few of the songs which have held my soul captive recently are:

Black Milk - Long Story Short. Crack. Caught him at the Toronto Launch Party last week. Interviewed him yesterday - keep em peeled. Dope beats, dope rhymes. Just straight down the line hip-hop. Does exactly what it says on the tin.

Illa J - Sounds Like Love. Unreleased Dilla beats?? With his brother singing/ rhyming on them?? Sign me up. It makes me kinda sad at the same time as we'll never get that RnB album Dilla was planning. Also the Mr Shakes skit with the kid from The Young Hov project is hilarious.

Charles Hamilton - Free Download. I gotta shout this kid out, because I generally tend to be skeptical of things in life if everyone is getting all moist over them. I happened across this song and instantly saw what the fuss is all about. I've been following the mixtape marathon he's been doing on the blogs and that has turned up some interesting shit as well. For those who don't know anything about him, the best description I can come up with right now is imagining the introspection of Slug from Atmosphere mixed with the brashness of 50. It doesn't sound like it should work - like pumpkin cheesecake - but it is, in actuality, The Shit.

What I've heard of the 808s and Heartbreaks. I know this one is going to split people right down the middle. Mr. West is in that same zone that Mos went into on The New Danger, Andre went into on The Love Below and Q-Tip went into on Kamaal The Abstract. It just so happens that instead of transforming into a rock god, Broadway thespian or a jazz cat, Kanye turns into Phil Collins. I'll admit the Auto-tune gets on my nerves after a while, but you can't front on the beats and I like the concept behind the album. After his old dear passed and he split up with his fiancee, you get where the 'Heartbreaks' in the title comes from.

Jay Electronica - Exhibit A (Transformations). I was bumping this while waiting for the bus last Tuesday before going downtown to watch the election. Basically, Just Blaze needs to stop playing and do a group project with Jay and Saigon. After 'The Greatest Story...' comes out though. Extra credit for referencing Ramo from Wild Style. Who even does that these days....

Nora knows what the deal is....

Coldplay f/ Jay-Z - Lost + . I have gone on record in the past as saying I loathe Coldplay. I have called Chris Martin The King Of Whiny Pussies. I am also man enough to realise that I may have been a little harsh. I quite liked 'Beach Chair' and 'The Funeral' (preferred the John Legend version of 'Homecoming') but this is straight up dope. If The 'Play produced that beat themselves they should think about doing that for other people. On top of that - Jay turns in one of his best guest verses for a while. I'm still a little miffed at him for the 'Oh Girl' remix. Shoulda left that one to Ghostface.


More soon.

Also, I have been checking these out for a month or so, but the people over at Whitewood have used the codeine soaked shit sandwiches that end up being Lil Wayne interviews and done their own parody of a sit down with the Cash Money President. Too many quotables, although my favourite is in Part 3:

"Why is 12 at the top of the clock? It's not even the first number in the alphabet..."


"Wacka, wacka, wacka..."




Shortly,
K

Ads Rule Everything Around Me.

*We'll be right back after these messages*




You can't turn on the TV over here without someone trying to get into your wallet. "What you need? What you need? I got Rolex! I give you good price..." They will try and sell you anything. I can't knock that. Bills don't pay themselves. The ad revenue CNN must generate in an hour has to be in the millions. They have breaks literally every 5 minutes and it really grinds you down. Now that there are no more election campaign ads to compete with, Wendy's are aiming to shock and awe with their latest TV spots, hawking buffalo sauce chicken burgers.

Question: What is buffalo sauce made from? Obviously it's not buffalo. Or is it?

I haven't got a favourite single advert out here yet. There is nothing as groundbreaking as the Cadbury's ad with the gorilla playing the drums to 'I Can Feel It Calling In The Air Tonight' (I know of 2 people who thought that was a real gorilla, by the way), but there are a couple of good ones. There are a lot for fast cars . And quite a few for cereal bars. The before and after weight loss ones are also a winner, although I am far from convinced that the person who stars in each advert ever had that much weight and the director had them digitally enlarded to increase the commercials impact.



It was while I was watching TV that I had an epiphany. I have come to the conclusion we are suckers in the UK. I have just seen an advert for the version of Deal Or No Deal they have in The States. We've got Noel Edmonds hosting and minding the boxes, you might get the likes of good old brown toothed Jeremy from Swnasea. (For any readers west of the Greenwich Meantime, the best description I can offer of Noel Edmonds is asking you to imagine a guinea pig bombarded with some sort of mutagenic ray and made human) And we're happy with that because we know no better. We just accepted it, because that's what we are offered and that's cool. I know someone who won £17,000 off Noel earlier this year. Personally, I don't watch it, because I have a job and Edmonds creeps me out in the same way that Beadle (R.I.P) used to. It's just something about building a throne of fleeting fame out of the skeletons of the general public's embarassment. Here at HGN we are not hidden camera show fans. To me, Ashton Kutcher is nothing more than a reincarnation of Beadle who just happens to be shagging Demi Moore.


At any rate, I was OK with the whole thing until I saw the advert for the American version of the show. They've got some dynamic young host for it, with a shaved head who probably parties with Paris Hilton at the weekend and 25 models holding the cases with mouths full of shining white choppers. We're not talking OK looking girls either. They're all about an '8' or better. I bet they probably have a celebrity banker every week too.

What the fuck??

That is one classy set up. I wouldn't even be that mad I left with $1. "Can I get Case 14's phone number before I go?"


Don't get me wrong, the Yanks can fuck up a good British programme format with the best of them (The Office [US] anyone? No. Thought not.), but their Deal Or No Deal has taken something that was a bit seedy and grubby and elevated it as a shining beacon of The American Dream, much like Las Vegas or Bill O' Reilly.

I don't even think they have a target demographic anymore either. Like someone upstairs just said, "Fuck it. We'll take any money we can get." Ads seem to fall at random. Orthapedic bed commercials follow straight on from Fisher Price 'My First Crack Pipe' ads in the hope that someone, somewhere might see something, anything and decide to buy. The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times



I would like to go on record as saying that I looooove the medicine commercials out here. Having trouble holding your pee in? Well try this brand new medicine. Side effects may include diarreah, sleepiness, dry mouth, irritability, cramps. So, once you've fixed it that you might no longer wet yourself between the hors d'ouevres and the main course, you might have to contend with unpredictable bowel movements accompanied by shooting muscle pain. And guess what? They've got medicine for them, too. Just hope the side effects you get from them don't include incontinence. Is it me, or is it not fucked up that medicine can give you illnesses you never had before?

A couple of pictures....

Right - A few flicks - I am only using one camera right now, because like a plum, I left the charger for my Sony on another continent. So it's been quite a week. Went to see Black Milk last night. Dope. Very dope. You can't appreciate some of those beats until you hear them super loud. Anyway - there's a couple of flicks from my 25th Hour Party before I left for TO - more on the Sony - and a couple of things I've seen since I've been over here....















I like this one a lot - Everyone out here has multiple hustles, Raul is no exception.

Yes They Did.

It's been quite an evening. Having spent a whole day immersing myself in media coverage of the US election, I headed downtown to see how the final count would play out. When I left the house results were slowly starting to come in.

Now, back in England, I took more than a passing interest in what was going on over the Atlantic. I was getting into a lot of long drawn out, drunk debates where you talk so long that you forget the point you were making in the first place. Once I hit Canada, though, the game changed. I spent so much time watching news channels on cable that I became a statistical whiz, even though I've never really had much truck with numbers. I learned to read the language of the candidates (for the record, Obama, seemed to be much more comfortable with visualsing himself as President than McCain did) I also got to listen to Rush Limbaugh.

Wow.

Words can't describe....

Today, I'm not even gonna front. I'm usually a little cynical for the sake of a cheap laugh, but straight up, I've seen history being made with my own eyes.

Back to the lecture at hand: I was bullshitting with Punch at the bar and getting into a steady rhythm on the Jamieson's. He was on the Ballantyne. We were both stupidly excited about the significance of the whole event. The newscasters were beginning to wax lyrical and something was definitely in the air. I am proud to say that with my three weeks of unofficial political training, I was able to guestimate that it would be a wrap by 11:00.

At 10:58 I was eating a chicken burrito, when NBC called the election for Obama. Instant goosebumps. The West Coast results had come in and he crushed the 270. Suddenly it seemed like it had been inevitable. Obama and Biden mobilised voters who had not even been considered a demographic in the past. That made The Republicans job like digging a ditch with a toy spade in order to stop a tsunami.

The cameras cut to the crowd at Grant Park in Chicago and it was a beautiful thing to watch the realisation sweeping across the gathered masses. That was followed by what I'm sure will be one of the most replayed images from tonight - a girl on her knees, crying at Spelman College in Atlanta when the results came in. In the future, when they come to make history programmes about tonight, documentary producers will track her down and ask her what was going through her mind.

Drinks were on the house.

At first I was a little wary of him - I am generally cautious when it comes to politicians anyway. I have to admit - he made a believer out of me. I am, however, gutted that I didn't pull my finger out and get down to NY as I had wanted to, but come January 20th, I'll be in DC, no doubt. Do the inaugaration, and hit a go-go club afterwards. Sweet.

Watching his acceptance speech - He had them at 'Hello Chicago...'. I've seen crowds react to two only people that way in the past. They were Jay-Z and Prince. This was some rock star shit, for real. Even Oprah was bawling. The rest of the world has been ready for this for a while now, but to see it actually happen? I mean - I saw cats walking around in Obama T-Shirts in London, this summer. Trust me when I say ain't nobody wearing a Gordon Brown T-Shirt. Just to see that many people on hand tonight was unbelievable. This is a movement. This was our generation's moon landing. The once unthinkable has become a reality. Petrol won't get cheaper over night, soldiers are not likely to be on the next plane home and people are still going to lose their homes, but America has decided to go with the person they believe will be best equipped to get them where they need to be. For better or for worse, tonight starts a new chapter in not only Black history, but also the history of the world in general.

I, for, one am exceptionally glad that the election turned out the way it did and I will tell you why. It means that all the licks I caught as kid for bringing home shitty report cards were actually justified. It may sound a little corny, but I'm gonna throw it out there anyway - with enough hard work, you can acheive whatever you put your mind to. With that said, I could have been the most powerful man on the planet. But then who would have written this blog for you to read?

McCain's concession speech was gracious and he seemed genuine in what he was saying. He hushed his supporters who began booing at the first mention of Obama's name."That One" became "My President". The moment felt like the soliloquy Sarah Connor gave at the end of Terminator 2, when she's talking about feeling like there is a new future unfolding before her; like the script that everyone was working on has undergone a small change that could have a major impact on how the story will go from here on in. Trust me, I'm not saying that this is going to improve the world straight away, but you have to start somewhere.

My favourite election night moment, however, was the paraphrasing of George W.
Bush's phone call to the President Elect just before he took the stage. If the media are to be believed, the word "awesome" was used. Not in the biblical context of being 'awe inspiring'. No - it was water-slide-description-awesome.

I know, I said no cynical bullshit tonight, but it was a sitter.....

And then there was the speech. He beasted it. Equal parts motivational speaker, politician, activist and reverend. The charisma. The call and response 'Yes We Can's. He acknowledged his nan (R.I.P). Everything about this was right. And just to cement his good guy status, he promised his daughters a puppy. I'm gonna stop there, before I start to sound like a Stan. Then to end he brought everyone out. The Mrs, the kids, Joe The Vice President Elect, Mrs. Joe The Vice President Elect, the below the line staff.

For sure, I feel privileged that I was alive to see this happen, because I honestly didn't think it would happen in my lifetime. I guess it must mean a whole lot more to older generations. By this evening, please believe that an Obama script will have been greenlit by a movie studio.
And the party will just continue until then. Looks like Chris Rock was right. Ain't shit gonna get done today....

What's a goon to a GOOOOBLIN?

Finally have a second for reflection after this weekend. Wow. They really go all in on the Halloween thing over here. I saw Abraham Lincoln riding the tram, a few Heath Ledger Jokers eating Korean food and drank punch with Betty Boop, a witch, a cat and a priest of the God of Rock. I went as Chef from South Park. Complete with whisk. I promise pictures.


The phone story.

This is turning out to be an epic. I left my Canadian mobile in the back of a cab when I was worse for wear the other day. It's a Motorola that my cousin, Lily gave me - and up til Thursday, it was serving its' purpose. First time I've lost a phone in over 10 years. Anyway, long story short - I've been in contact via my phone with the cab driver for the past three days in order to try and retrieve said appliance. It's an exercise in trust to say the least, but gives me a little faith in the milk of human kindness. I might interview the driver when I finally manage to track him down.

Hit downtown Hamilton with my cousin, Punch last night. We ended up bonding over old records and chocolate roin. I also saw a raccoon for the first time.That fucked me up. For all my English people it's like seeing a badger just chilling in a tree. Quite unexpected.

The cab ride home was insane. First off, a good 15 drivers decided they would rather drive around with an empty car than take the chance that I might do a runner on them. I froze my arse off for almost half an hour before I got picked up. The guy who picked me up seemed cool at first - for like maybe 10 seconds - he then proceeded to pull out in front of traffic, slam his brakes on and scream an oath in a foreign tongue. After that it was a high speed jaunt across town. The thing that really threw me though was the way he was swerving to avoid pot holes. Just weaving all over the place. Seriously. At one point I remember thinking 'Fuck me, this guy's stolen the cab and he's joy-riding.' I made sure I had keys to hand - just in case I had to attack him while he was trying to abduct me. What does that say about me. I'm sure the poor bastard was glancing nervously in his rear view mirror, trying to figure out what was going through my mind. If he'd known, he would probably have wished that he hadn't stopped to pick me up. The journey was pretty quick though

So, big week coming up. The Election in the States on Tuesday. I'll more than likely write something about that. Looks like I'll be jamming with Punch on the night at Pepperjack Cafe, too. Thursday night, Black Milk, Elzhi and House Shoes in Toronto. The good people over at Audible Treats hooked me up an interview so I shall sit down with Mr. Cross before his show for Format Magazine. His new album Tronic is in stores now, so make sure you check that out. Today - I'm off to see a talk by Dave Gibbons, the artist behind the comic book classic Watchmen. He'll be fielding questions about the upcoming film, no doubt so there may be another story in there....

Shortly.